THAT DAY
For a long time, I thought my main problem was that I didn’t die afterward. I don’t know why I did it. I’m assuming it was meant to be. One walk by the ocean and my world as I knew it, dissolved. Literally. Gone in less than seconds.
At the time I didn’t think much of it. I Wasn’t capable of thought at all, really. In those states of consciousness, there is no mind, it is just pure experience. There was nothing to think about any of it. Awareness of the would-be reality on a vast screen. Intense imagining sensations of a would-be body and its sensations. moving through imagined would-be time, space, and place. Imagined sunlight and warmth if sunlight were real. Imagined wind-on-skin sensations and flowing strands of hair on a not-seen body as though wind, skin and hair were real.
On the vast endless screen, the image of beach, ocean, path and sky moved gently outward, imitating forward movement. Time vanished.
I could only witness, knowing beach, sky, ocean, and body were not real. It was no longer “my body,” because it was no longer there. Nor did I care.
After some movement and sensations, what is considered time, the images and imaginings shifted back to a three-dimensional world. Then my mind began to catalogue the experience from the memories. Sorting, assessing, storing them as though the mind, itself had been in on the experience. The mind, trying to pass as a VIP in the world of higher consciousness experience. But it can’t, it can only pretend to have been there.
This shifting of reality to a screen and back happened a few more times over the next few days. Sometimes while driving. I don’t believe I was in danger, as the image was that of a screen and the sensation of moving down a road. Any more than sitting in a movie theater and seeing the picture move to create the perception of going down train tracks or highway is in danger of crashing.
The sudden shift at the beach let me in first-hand on a secret espoused by many traditions. This world is an illusion. We can think it, try to imagine the experience of this world being an illusion. But all the conjecture and imaginings cannot come close the actual experience.
One can conjecture this world as an illusion, and then open their eyes, interact, and continue on with their lives. It is nothing compared to the actual experience. The actual experience can wreck you. It dissolves all of the assumptions of reality you’ve been taught and indoctrinated into.
At the time, there was pure experience. After it, my mind re-engaged and began to sort and file what it could detect of the experience. “Whoa, that was something,” was somewhere in the beginning of the aftereffects. Attempts to give it meaning kicked in: Is this what enlightenment is? What happens now?
I was still very high from the experience. Thoughts bubbled up intermittently and lapsed back into deep suspended silences. I still functioned, drove myself home from that walk on the beach.
Following shortly in the aftermath of the event, realizations and new understandings began to surface. After the wonder came the crash. What looks to be reality is really images on a screen, and it is happening moment to moment — the concept of time disappeared during the experience. With no time, there was no history. The connections I’d had to family and friends — the history with them — also left. The memories were there, and so was the understanding that the history was present-moment, generated memories for continuity of the illusion — our minds would crack without it.
For a long time, I thought my main problem was that I didn’t die afterward. I don’t know why I did it. I’m assuming it was meant to be. One walk by the ocean and my world as I knew it, dissolved. Literally. Gone in less than seconds.
At the time I didn’t think much of it. Wasn’t capable of thought at all, really. In those states of consciousness, there is no mind, just pure experience. There was nothing to think thoughts about any of it. Awareness of the would-be reality on a vast screen. Imagining sensations of a would-be body moving through imagined would-be time, space, and place. Imagined sunlight warmth if sunlight were real. Imagined wind-on-skin sensations and flowing strands of hair on a not-seen body as though wind, skin and hair were real.
On the vast endless screen, the image of beach, ocean, path and sky moved gently outward, imitating forward movement. Time vanished.
I could only witness, knowing beach, sky, ocean, and body were not real. It was no longer “my body,” because it was no longer there. Nor did I care.
After some movement and sensations, what is considered time, the images and imaginings shifted back to a three-dimensional world. Then my mind began to catalogue the experience from the memories. Sorting, assessing, storing them as though the mind, itself had been in on the experience. The mind, trying to pass as a VIP in the world of higher consciousness experience. But it can’t, it can only pretend to have been there.
This shifting of reality to a screen and back happened a few more times over the next few days. Sometimes while driving. I don’t believe I was in danger, as the image was that of a screen and the sensation of moving down a road. Any more than sitting in a movie theater and seeing the picture move to create the perception of going down train tracks or highway is in danger of crashing.
The sudden shift at the beach let me in first-hand on a secret espoused by many traditions. This world is an illusion. We can think it, try to imagine the experience of this world being an illusion. But all the conjecture and imaginings cannot come close the actual experience.
One can conjecture this world as an illusion, and then open their eyes, interact, and continue on with their lives. It is nothing compared to the actual experience. The actual experience can wreck you. It dissolves all of the assumptions of reality you’ve been taught and indoctrinated into.
At the time, there was pure experience. After it, my mind re-engaged and began to sort and file what it could detect of the experience. “Whoa, that was something,” was somewhere in the beginning of the aftereffects. Attempts to give it meaning kicked in: Is this what enlightenment is? What happens now?
I was still very high from the experience. Thoughts bubbled up intermittently and lapsed back into deep suspended silences. I still functioned, drove myself home from that walk on the beach.
Following shortly in the aftermath of the event, realizations and new understandings began to surface. After the wonder came the crash. What looks to be reality is really images on a screen, and it is happening moment to moment — the concept of time disappeared during the experience. With no time, there was no history. The connections I’d had to family and friends — the history with them — also left. The memories were there, and so was the understanding that the history was present-moment, generated memories for continuity of the illusion — our minds would crack without it.THAT DAY
For a long time, I thought my main problem was that I didn’t die afterward. I don’t know why I did it. I’m assuming it was meant to be. One walk by the ocean and my world as I knew it, dissolved. Literally. Gone in less than seconds.
At the time I didn’t think much of it. Wasn’t capable of thought at all, really. In those states of consciousness, there is no mind, just pure experience. There was nothing to think thoughts about any of it. Awareness of the would-be reality on a vast screen. Imagining sensations of a would-be body moving through imagined would-be time, space, and place. Imagined sunlight warmth if sunlight were real. Imagined wind-on-skin sensations and flowing strands of hair on a not-seen body as though wind, skin and hair were real.
On the vast endless screen, the image of beach, ocean, path and sky moved gently outward, imitating forward movement. Time vanished.
I could only witness, knowing beach, sky, ocean, and body were not real. It was no longer “my body,” because it was no longer there. Nor did I care.
After some movement and sensations, what is considered time, the images and imaginings shifted back to a three-dimensional world. Then my mind began to catalogue the experience from the memories. Sorting, assessing, storing them as though the mind, itself had been in on the experience. The mind, trying to pass as a VIP in the world of higher consciousness experience. But it can’t, it can only pretend to have been there.
This shifting of reality to a screen and back happened a few more times over the next few days. Sometimes while driving. I don’t believe I was in danger, as the image was that of a screen and the sensation of moving down a road. Any more than sitting in a movie theater and seeing the picture move to create the perception of going down train tracks or highway is in danger of crashing.
The sudden shift at the beach let me in first-hand on a secret espoused by many traditions. This world is an illusion. We can think it, try to imagine the experience of this world being an illusion. But all the conjecture and imaginings cannot come close the actual experience.
One can conjecture this world as an illusion, and then open their eyes, interact, and continue on with their lives. It is nothing compared to the actual experience. The actual experience can wreck you. It dissolves all of the assumptions of reality you’ve been taught and indoctrinated into.
At the time, there was pure experience. After it, my mind re-engaged and began to sort and file what it could detect of the experience. “Whoa, that was something,” was somewhere in the beginning of the aftereffects. Attempts to give it meaning kicked in: Is this what enlightenment is? What happens now?
I was still very high from the experience. Thoughts bubbled up intermittently and lapsed back into deep suspended silences. I still functioned, drove myself home from that walk on the beach.
Following shortly in the aftermath of the event, realizations and new understandings began to surface. After the wonder came the crash. What looks to be reality is really images on a screen, and it is happening moment to moment — the concept of time disappeared during the experience. With no time, there was no history. The connections I’d had to family and friends — the history with them — also left. The memories were there, and so was the understanding that the history was present-moment, generated memories for continuity of the illusion — our minds would crack without it.
For a long time, I thought my main problem was that I didn’t die afterward. I don’t know why I did it. I’m assuming it was meant to be. One walk by the ocean and my world as I knew it, dissolved. Literally. Gone in less than seconds.
At the time I didn’t think much of it. Wasn’t capable of thought at all, really. In those states of consciousness, there is no mind, just pure experience. There was nothing to think thoughts about any of it. Awareness of the would-be reality on a vast screen. Imagining sensations of a would-be body moving through imagined would-be time, space, and place. Imagined sunlight warmth if sunlight were real. Imagined wind-on-skin sensations and flowing strands of hair on a not-seen body as though wind, skin and hair were real.
On the vast endless screen, the image of beach, ocean, path and sky moved gently outward, imitating forward movement. Time vanished.
I could only witness, knowing beach, sky, ocean, and body were not real. It was no longer “my body,” because it was no longer there. Nor did I care.
After some movement and sensations, what is considered time, the images and imaginings shifted back to a three-dimensional world. Then my mind began to catalogue the experience from the memories. Sorting, assessing, storing them as though the mind, itself had been in on the experience. The mind, trying to pass as a VIP in the world of higher consciousness experience. But it can’t, it can only pretend to have been there.
This shifting of reality to a screen and back happened a few more times over the next few days. Sometimes while driving. I don’t believe I was in danger, as the image was that of a screen and the sensation of moving down a road. Any more than sitting in a movie theater and seeing the picture move to create the perception of going down train tracks or highway is in danger of crashing.
The sudden shift at the beach let me in first-hand on a secret espoused by many traditions. This world is an illusion. We can think it, try to imagine the experience of this world being an illusion. But all the conjecture and imaginings cannot come close the actual experience.
One can conjecture this world as an illusion, and then open their eyes, interact, and continue on with their lives. It is nothing compared to the actual experience. The actual experience can wreck you. It dissolves all of the assumptions of reality you’ve been taught and indoctrinated into.
At the time, there was pure experience. After it, my mind re-engaged and began to sort and file what it could detect of the experience. “Whoa, that was something,” was somewhere in the beginning of the aftereffects. Attempts to give it meaning kicked in: Is this what enlightenment is? What happens now?
I was still very high from the experience. Thoughts bubbled up intermittently and lapsed back into deep suspended silences. I still functioned, drove myself home from that walk on the beach.
Following shortly in the aftermath of the event, realizations and new understandings began to surface. After the wonder came the crash. What looks to be reality is really images on a screen, and it is happening moment to moment — the concept of time disappeared during the experience. With no time, there was no history. The connections I’d had to family and friends — the history with them — also left. The memories were there, and so was the understanding that the history was present-moment, instant generated memories for continuity of the illusion — our minds would crack without it.